


Deadpool's Top Five Free-Pass List

by Silvergray1358



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Peter Parker/Top Wade Wilson, But Honestly Not For Long Cough Cough, Cheating, Come Swallowing, Crushes, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Idiots in Love, Kidnapping, Kissing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Magic, Mentions of Blood, Oral Sex, Pretty Wade Wilson, Rimming, Secret Identity, Sexual Content, Smut, Wade Cherishes Peter, Wade Is Married, Witchcraft, heartmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-07 07:56:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17362037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvergray1358/pseuds/Silvergray1358
Summary: After Deadpool teams up with Spider-Man and becomes one of the good guys, he unexpectedly gets his good looks back. Too bad his wife Shiklah, Demon Queen of the Undead, isn't so attracted to him anymore and finds someone else to warm her bed. Spider-Man tries to be a good friend but when he finds out that Deadpool has a free-pass list that lets him sleep with any of the five people on it, maybe being just a friend becomes a lot harder to do.





	1. Number Five

**Author's Note:**

> I played a little loose and fast here with the Spider-Man/Deadpool comic series but come on, these two need to get their shit together asap and just kiss, amirite? Oh, but I can't take any credit for Deadpool's list, that's all him.

     Peter thwiped down on the rooftop of Wade's old apartment building and sighed. Across the way, sitting on the cement ledge with his legs dangling off, was Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool. Peter could see Wade had his mask rolled up to his nose and in his hand, he clutched the neck of a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. He was nursing it with steady determination and Peter could only imagine what state the man could be in with almost a pint of hard liquor in his system.

     “Hey, Deadpool.”

     Wade whipped his head around and froze when he saw Spider-Man standing there.

     “Hey, Spidey. I swear, besides public intoxication and a brief episode of public nudity, I have been good tonight. Scout’s honor,” he said. He turned around and slid off the concrete ledge onto the rooftop facing Peter.

     “Alright,” Peter sighed. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt… this time.” He walked over and sat himself down next to Wade. He could tell that something was up with Wade tonight. Besides working through the bottle of liquor like prohibition was coming back, a frown was etched deep on his face. It was late, and Wade should be home, but instead he was up here on the roof of his old apartment building drinking like a sailor.

     “So… the wife put you in the doghouse?” Peter asked.

     Wade groaned. “Uh… not quite. I walked out on her…”

     “For real?”

     “Yeah,” Wade sighed. It was a bone deep sort of sound that made Peter’s heart ache for him.  “I found her in bed with Werewolf by Night. There was dog-hair everywhere, like, _deeply_ embedded in the pillows and shit.”

     “Oh jeez… I’m sorry. It’s terrible when someone cheats on their loved one.”

     “It wasn’t even so much that she slept with someone else!” Wade said, throwing his hands up and almost splashing himself in liquor.

     “What do you mean?”

     “I mean, we both had lists. You know? Five people that we're allowed to sleep with if ever given the opportunity. Except! That friggin mongrel wasn’t even on her list and she’s been screwing him for months! Who else has she been fucking while I wasn’t there?!”

     “Wait, wait, wait,” Peter said. He was still trying to wrap his head around the first part. “You each have a list?”

     “Well, yeah. And ever since I got my old looks back, she’s uh… kinda been disgusted with me.”

     “Um… doesn’t that sound a little backwards?” Peter asked. He snagged the bottle from Wade’s hand and lifted the bottom of his mask to take a swig. It had to be some bottom shelf, hundred-proof shit, and he almost coughed it back up as the liquid burned his chest sliding down.

     “Shiklah is the Demon Queen of the Undead. My murderous personality and corpse-like features were the only reasons she fell in love with me!”

     Peter snorted out a laugh before he could stop himself. Wade ripped his mask off to toss him a look and Peter coughed awkwardly. It was still so bizarre to see Wade without his scars. It was almost like a different person… who was equally as weird as Deadpool somehow.

     “I uh… don’t mean to laugh, DP. It’s just, now that you finally decided to clean up your life, the irony that your Demon Queen finds you repulsive now is ridiculous. But I mean… for her it makes sense...being a demon,” he shrugged.

     “What do you mean?”

     “I _mean_ … you’re a good guy, Wade. I might have never said it, but you’ve been the best teammate I’ve ever had.”

     “You really mean that?” Wade breathed.

     “Yeah, I do,” Peter smiled. “You might try to act one way but deep down, you’ve got a really great heart. If Shiklah didn’t marry you because of that, then she’s crazy.”

     Wade sat there, bottle forgotten between the two of them, and Peter let him mull it over. A thought popped into Peter’s head though and he whipped his head back to Wade.

     “And so who the heck did you put on _your_ list?” he smirked.

     Wade laughed and rubbed his neck. He snagged the bottle back out of Peter’s hand and took a drink.

     “Well… I’ll have you know that I worked really hard on making it perfect.”

     “Oh, I bet, knowing you.”

     “Hell yeah! Number one is Hillary Clinton, but only if she’s the prez, which I think we all know won’t happen. Second though is Thor if he ever becomes a girl.”

     Peter opened his mouth and shut it again. Maybe he shouldn’t tell him about Jane Foster.

     “Number three is Hellcat, _but_ , only if we’re actually in Hell. I mean, how hot would that be?! Get it? Hot?”

     Peter just snorted and took the bottle back.

     “And fourth, hear me out on this one,” Wade said. He raised his hands and pantomimed reading a magnificent banner in the sky. “Zom-Bea Arthur!”

     Peter almost coughed up his shot again.

     “Jesus, Wade,” he laughed. “Isn’t that necrophilia or something?”

     “They’re called the _living_ dead for a reason, Spidey! As long as I got some action in before she ate my brains, I’d be a happy man.”

     Peter burst out laughing and he had to hold his stomach to stop it from hurting. Wade laughed along for a second, but he enjoyed listening to Spidey’s laugh too much. Spider-Man was one of the very few people in the world that laughed at his dumb jokes and for Wade, making him laugh was an amazing feeling.

     Peter finally caught his breath and stuffed down the last of the giggles.

     “Okay, okay, alright. I admit, you got me there. And who else?”

     “Huh?”

     “Who else? You said you each got five people. Who’s number five?”

     Wade looked away. “Oh, it doesn’t matter. It was a stupid one anyways. Even Shiklah said so. She said if I wanted to waste a slot then go right ahead.”

     “No offense, Wade, but it can’t be any more stupid than Zombea Arthur.”

     “Just forget about it,” Wade said, but Peter wasn’t buying it. He placed the bottle down off to the side and scooted closer to Wade.

     “No way! You have to tell me now, come on!”

     Wade shifted in placed and rubbed at his mouth.

     “Smmmmphmm…”

     “What?” Peter laughed.

     “You know,” Wade tried. “Spiffen-COUGH-enfrefen…”

     Peter shoved Wade’s arm. “Come on, Wade. Stop being an ass. Just tell me!”

     “I said Spider-Man! You’re number five on my list, okay?” Wade blurted. He shut his mouth, his lips a hard line, and he looked away embarrassed. Peter blinked at him for a moment.

     “For real?”

     “Well, yeah… you’re _Spider-Man_ ,” Wade said like that was answer enough. “I mean, you’re the smartest, kindest, hottest, most-amazing person I ever met. I know it was hopeless putting you down, I just couldn’t think of anyone else more important to me…” Wade trailed off.

 _Oh_ , Peter thought. He hadn’t been expecting that.

     “Do you really mean that?” he asked. Wade dared to look back at him.

     “Of course I do.”

     Peter closed the space between them and their lips met. For a second it was wonderful the way their lips fit together, and Peter could feel the five o’clock shadow growing on Wade’s face against his own, but all too soon Wade was pulling back.

     “What are you doing?” he whispered.

     “This is okay, right? I mean, I’m on your list, aren’t I? She’s not going to mind.”

     “You… _want_ to kiss me?”

     “Yeah,” Peter whispered. He leaned in again and they were close enough that their lips almost brushed as he spoke. “Do you want to kiss _me_?”

     “Fuck yes,” Wade said and locked his lips back to Peter’s. Peter had never kissed another man before, but kissing Wade was surprisingly addicting. He was eager yet thorough, kissing Peter until he was breathless and then only giving him a second to recover before pulling him back in. Even the muted trace of alcohol tasted better coming from Wade’s soft lips and tongue.

     He pulled Peter over onto his lap and he went, more than willing. One of Wade’s hands came up to cup the back of Peter’s neck while the other he immediately put on his hip and started petting up and down the stretch of his side. Peter arched into the touch and pressed against Wade as best he could. He felt the straps and buckles of Wade’s suit through his own and when he ground back down, that was Wade’s cock he felt pressing up against his ass.

     Peter reached up and held Wade’s face in his hands, stopping him long enough so he could speak.

     “Maybe we should take this somewhere more private than a rooftop.”

     “Hell yeah, I agree,” Wade groaned, wrapping his arms around Peter’s back and keeping him close. “We could go downstairs to my apartment.”

     “You really still have that place?”

     “Absolutely. I’ve got a couple of hideouts around the city. Come on,” he said. He helped Peter to his feet, and he took his hand to lead him towards the stairwell door.

     They hurried down the dim flight of stairs and Wade shoved the metal door to his floor open, keeping Peter’s fingers laced with his as they reached his front door. It wasn’t locked and Wade held it open for him.

     The second they were inside, Wade spun Peter around and pressed him up against the door to kiss him again like the minute and a half they had been apart had been brutal. His body blocked him in, and Peter took the slow minutes while they kissed to wiggle his hips the little bit he could against Wade’s.

     Smooth spandex rubbed against leather and everything felt heady and dizzy, making Peter incredibly aroused as Wade’s hands explored every inch of Peter he could reach. How long had it been since someone touched him like this? Peter didn’t think that anything else could compare to this unbelievable moment, right now, as he surrendered himself wholly to the infamous, dangerous, and ravenous Deadpool.

     Wade eventually broke their kiss and dropped to his knees. He grabbed Peter’s narrow hips and rubbed his face against the outline of Peter’s erection, mouthing at him through the thin spandex, and Peter’s hands flew up to the back of his head to tangle his fingers in the short, blond hairs.

     “Oh shit,” Peter hissed. His head tipped back against the wooden door but not watching didn’t stop it from feeling so damn good.

     “Hold on, Spidey,” Wade said, finding the break in Peter’s suit and tugging down the bottoms enough on his hips to free the length of his cock. “I’ve fucking waited forever to do this.”

     Wade held the base of his cock and licked up the underside before he wrapped his lips around the tip. Peter moaned long and low. _Holy shit_ , Wade’s mouth felt like heaven.

     He sunk down with ease and took Peter all the way to the root with astounding skill. Wade was by far better than any other person Peter had been lucky enough to receive a blowjob from in the past, and it was too easy to lose all coherent thought as Wade bobbed his head with glorious suction.

     Peter clutched onto Wade’s shoulders. He was helpless as Wade pulled him apart like he could read every hitch in his breath and change of pitch in his moans like second nature.

     “Feels so, so, so good,” Peter whispered on a shaky breath.

     Wade reached between Peter’s legs and rolled his testicles in his gloved hand. Peter sucked in a breath through his teeth and his cock throbbed between Wade’s lips and against his silky tongue. Wade glanced up at him, suckling on the crown where Peter was so very sensitive, and he flicked his tongue over Peter’s tacky slit.

     “Dammit, Wade, I’m gonna come,” he warned.

     Wade didn’t pull off though. Instead he picked up his pace again, focusing on letting Peter’s length nudge into the back of his throat with every bob of his head.

     “Wade--” Peter tried, but Wade just hummed in response and Peter wasn't prepared for the sudden vibrations that ricocheted up his dick and into his spine. He gasped, whimpering out a shocked noise at the sudden pleasure that hit him like a Mack truck. His cock pulsed in the wet heat of Wade’s mouth and he felt the way Wade swallowed around him so he didn’t waste a single bit of Peter’s orgasm.

     Wade pulled his mouth off with a pop and grinned a salacious look up at Peter, who was having trouble standing on Jello-y legs.

     “Has anyone ever told you how fucking adorable that noise is that you squeak out right before you come?” Wade asked. Peter snorted and hit his arm, but Wade just laughed and blazed a trail of searing kisses along the sensitive junction of Peter’s hip and thigh.

     “Shut up and take me to bed before I change my mind,” Peter smirked.

     “You wanna?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Aye-aye, Captain Spider,” Wade smiled, standing up and scooping Peter into a hug that let him carry the smaller man across the room. Peter easily wrapped his legs around Wade’s torso with his spider gracefulness and he clung his arms around Wade’s neck.

     “Oh no, not the ‘Captain Spider’ thing again.”

     “You know, I thought about going by ‘Captain Deadpool’ in the beginning.”

     “Well, I’m glad you didn’t,” Peter laughed.

     Wade pushed them through the bedroom door and hit the light switch on the wall. A small bedside lamp cast a bubble of warm yellow glow and Wade brought Peter over to the bed to drop him down on the middle of it, his head resting on Wade’s pillows.

     Wade reached over to dig in the drawer of his nightstand. He found the lube and a condom and tossed them on the bed, crawling up over Peter like he was about to devour him.

     “I've got to get you out of that suit, a.s.a.p.,” Wade said, raking his eyes up and down Peter's body.

     “Okay, but only if you take yours off too.”

     “Yeah, okay. Anything you want.”

     They both wiggled and stripped from their suits, Peter in nothing but his mask, and he let his eyes drift over Wade's body as more was revealed.

     Peter had always admired Wade's well defined and muscular body. Maybe he had a size kink, but who fucking cared? All those little teasing touches and presses of Wade's body against his over the years had been enough delicious torment to have Peter fisting his own cock, thinking about the devilishly entrancing merc, more times than he dared to admit.

     Wade without scars was something he wasn't used to seeing, but he had to admit that this version of Wade was just as sexy in its own way.

     Wade moved back up the bed and nudged Peter’s knees apart to spread his legs and crawl between his smooth, ivory thighs. He grabbed the bottle of lube and popped the cap.

     “Have you ever slept with a man before?” he asked.

     “No,” Peter admitted, “but I've thought about doing it before.” That much was true, but he wasn’t about to confess that he always pictured a certain red-and-black merc when he did.  

     “Well, don't worry. We'll take it easy. I… I don't want to hurt you.”

     Peter blushed. “I know. I trust you, Wade.”

     Wade’s wet finger circled around his entrance and it was a distinctly wonderful feeling. Peter wanted to feel Wade’s fingers sink inside of him, stretch him open like Peter had sometimes dared to do to himself in the middle of the night in the safe quiet of his bed, but Wade hesitated.

     “Last chance to bail ship if you’ve changed your mind,” he nervously joked. Peter shook his head though.

     “No, I want it. Come on, Wade, please.”

     “Fuck, okay,” Wade said and leaned back down to kiss him. The tip of his finger pressed in on the tight rim of muscles and began to stretch Peter open as he fucked his finger in bit by bit.

     Peter tipped his head back onto the pillow and Wade latched his mouth onto the delicate junction of Peter's neck and shoulder. He nibbled and licked his way across the left side of Peter's clavicle and then doubled back for the right side while he diligently worked another finger inside his tight body.

     “Hot damn, baby boy. You’re so fucking tight.”

     Peter moaned and Wade cut it short by stealing another kiss.

     “I’m serious,” he panted. “I don’t know how I’m going to last being inside this glorious ass.”

     Peter huffed out a nervous laugh. “I was thinking the same thing.”

     He was hard again, needy and beginning to drip onto his own stomach, and Wade stilled his hand for a second so he could scoot down the bed. Wade licked and sucked at his cock with lazy, sensual movements while he nudged three of his fingertips together and rocked them in.

     He got them in past the wide stretch of his knuckles and Peter’s hips bucked up as he pressed against his prostate.

     “Wait, wait, wait,” Peter gasped. Wade’s head snapped up with a worried look on his face, pulling his fingers back out slowly, but Peter shook his head. “It’s okay, I was just really close. I don’t want to come again until you’re inside of me.”

     “ _Fuck_. Okay, okay, Spidey. Do you think you’re ready?”

     Peter swallowed around his dry throat and nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

     “Alright, hold on.”

     Wade reached over and snagged the condom out of the tangle of sheets. He ripped it open and Peter took the moment Wade was busy to try and slow his breathing back down. His heart was racing in his chest, pounding against his rib cage like it wanted to escape, and he squeezed his sweaty hands into fists on the sheet underneath him.

     Wade finished rolling the condom on and his cock looked huge and daunting as it stood proudly up to his abs. The thick cords of muscles pulled over across his hip bones chiseled a defined V-shape towards his groin and Peter flushed at the sight of his massive form propped above him. Wade leaned down, holding himself up on his forearms and kissed Peter for a lazy second because it had been too long between the last one. Peter wrapped his legs up around Wade’s hips and locked them behind his back. Wade’s body heat seared into his skin every single place they touched.

     “Hold on, Spidey. Just relax. Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

     “Yes, please, Wade.”

     Wade reached down between their bodies to angle himself and he started to press forward just-so. Peter gasped as the head of his cock finally pressed in and he tried his best to stay relaxed. Wade was so big though and he had never felt so stretched open before like this.

     “Are you alright?”

     “Yes, keep going. Please don’t stop,” Peter panted. Wade finally bottomed out and both men groaned at the feeling. Wade’s right hand snuck down to Peter’s hip and held him still, kissing him slow and deep as they got used to being connected like this.

     Peter's inner muscles fluttered around the new intrusion and the initial burn of the stretch ebbed away, leaving only a desperation in Peter's blood.

     “I need you to move, Wade,” he begged.

     “Okay,” Wade said, pecking Peter’s lips real quick. “Okay, yeah.”

     Wade’s hips moved with steady thrusts. They were slow and deliberate, establishing a rhythmic rocking as he got Peter used to the deep movements. It was a maddening pace that stoked a fire in every cell of Peter’s being, but he didn’t want to ask Wade to go faster. He felt so incredibly close to the edge already and he wanted to savor it, to soak in the feeling of Wade taking him apart so deliciously.

     Wade adjusted his hips just a bit, pulling Peter higher up into his lap with a tug of his strong hands, before pressing down on him to keep him pinned tight underneath. He kissed Peter again, but it was harder to keep going through the moans squeaking out of him as he panted.

     “Dammit, Spidey. You sound so fucking hot when you moan. Don’t hold back for me, baby boy. Come on, I want to hear you.”

     “ _Wade_ ,” he sighed, melting under the praise. He was trying so hard not to fall apart at the seams, but Wade was hitting his prostate just right though. Peter’s hands clung onto Wade’s neck and shoulders with force as he scrambled to hang on through the onslaught.

     “Fuck, Wade. I’m so close,” he whimpered. Wade groaned into the crook of his neck and his hot breath sent shivers down Peter’s spine.

     “Yeah, that’s it. Come for me again, Spidey. I want to be inside of you when it happens this time.”

 _God_ , did Peter want that too, and it felt inevitable as his cock throbbed between the tight press of their bodies.

     Wade locked his lips back to Peter’s and sped his hips up just enough to have Peter rushing right to the edge with amazing force. He came hard, moaning through their kiss, and his cock flexed up against Wade’s stomach, managing to get a bit of come on Wade although most of it hit his own chest and stomach.

     It was an intense, different feeling coming untouched and he didn’t bother censoring the shocked moans that poured out of him as Wade fucked him through the waves.

     “ _Fuckfuckfuck_ , I’m gonna come,” Wade gasped, his hips faltering for a second as Peter shook apart underneath him. Wade started pumping his hips hard, fucking as deep as he could into Peter’s body with a bit more force as he rushed to the end as well. _There_ was that hard and animalistic fucking that Peter had initially expected, not this slow and carnal and strangely sweet sort of a moment that he had gotten instead.

     Peter let himself relax into the sensation and tightened his legs around Wade’s torso to urge him on. Wade’s hand gripped Peter’s hipbone with enough strength that Peter thought he might have fingertip-shaped bruises there later, although the thought only sent another spike of heat through Peter’s core.

     Wade cursed and his hips froze. Peter could feel the way Wade’s cock throbbed as he came inside the condom, buried deep, and his own spent cock twitched off his wet stomach in empathy.  Wade’s eyes were glued to wear their bodies were connected but Peter couldn’t take his eyes off Wade’s face. His tan skin was flushed, wet lips parted as he panted, and when he glanced up at Peter again, his blue eyes were nearly swallowed black.

     “ _Jesus_ , Spidey,” he gasped.

     Peter let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

     Wade pulled himself back out gently but Peter let out a soft groan from the weird sensation of being empty again. At the sound, Wade dipped back down and kissed his lips.

     It was different this time. That pent-up urgency was gone now, but the tenderness still took Peter’s breath away. The kisses trailed off with heavy reluctance from them both. Eventually, they were nothing more than lingering brushes of their lips between soft breaths, and Wade pulled back enough to let his gaze wander over the bottom of Peter’s face.

     He ran his thumb over the line of Peter’s cheekbone peeking out from the bottom of his mask. He looked deep in thought and Peter couldn’t get his own mind to stop racing long enough to figure out what to say.

     “So now what?” Wade asked. “Do we pretend like none of this ever happened?”

     “It would be better if we did, but… I don’t know if I can,” he admitted.

     Wade’s eyes flicked up to the whites of Peter’s mask like he could maybe find something there under the material.

     “Then what do you want to do?”

     Peter wanted a lot of things. He wanted to take his mask off even though he knew Wade didn’t like Peter Parker, only Spider-Man. He wanted to stay here all night with Wade, maybe even go for another round, but he knew that Wade was married. He took the little butterfly that flitted around in his chest when he was with Wade and squashed it down like he always did.

     “I should go.”

     Wade ducked his head and nodded.

     “I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” he said suddenly, his voice harsh. Peter reached up to cup his face and pressed their foreheads together.

     “You won’t, I promise,” he said. “We’re a team, right? I told you that I’d stick by your side, Wade, and I meant it. It’s just… I shouldn’t stay here tonight…”

     Wade nodded against him. “I know.”

     “Thank you, Wade. For everything tonight.”

     Wade huffed out a laugh. “I think that’s my line,” he said, but Peter shook his head.

     “I mean it,” Peter whispered.

     “Anything for you, Spidey.”


	2. St. Damia's School for Young Women

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man/Deadpool #1.MU! The Holy Grail of Spideypool canon, I HAD to. 
> 
> Aka, what should have happened.

     Wade sat in the massive, cobwebby relic of a library that dwelled in Shiklah’s demon castle. Normally, he’d never bother with this room, but it was a quiet, dark place for him to mope in and no one would think to look for him there. He sat slouching in one of the ancient upholstered chairs, sick of drinking but holding a bottle of vodka anyways. It dangled from his hand forgotten and Wade sat blinking in the oppressive silence.

     He was miserable. He hadn’t seen Shiklah for days. If she left a note, she must have hidden it because Wade hadn’t found one. He had a bad feeling that he probably didn’t even want to know where she was. It was too easy to sit and torture himself with the possibilities. God help him, as long as she wasn’t with Dracula.

     Even worse than not seeing Shiklah for days was the fact that he hadn’t seen Spider-Man either. Wade had checked, but every night he wasn’t at any of their normal meet-up spots. Which, truth be told, wasn’t unusual but that didn’t change the fact that Wade couldn’t go longer than a minute without the red-and-blue hero popping back into his head.

     How was he not supposed to think about the way Spidey had leaned in and kissed him? How was he supposed to stop picturing his gorgeous body spread out for Wade on his bed, eager and waiting? How the fuck was he EVER going to forget the sweet sound of Spidey panting his name in his ear as he fell apart?

     Wade groaned and slapped his hand over his face.

     The library doors slammed open and Wade squinted through his fingers at the light pouring into the dim room. Shiklah sauntered in, lighting the candelabras on with a flick of her wrist and she shook her head at the sorry sight before her.

     “Of course,” she sighed. “The last place I checked.”

     “Ha. Knew it,” Wade said, not bothering to watch as she walked over. Her floor-length, black lace gown swept behind her and her heels clicked on the tiled floor, echoing up to the vaulted ceiling. The cadence slowed like a dying heartbeat as she came to a stop in front of Wade.

     “Where have you been?” she asked.

     “Where have _I_ been?”

     “You stormed out days ago.”

     “And then I came back. Where the fuck were you?” he said, finally looking her in the eyes.

     “I was out, doing a lot of thinking.”

     “Thinking in the vertical position or more like a horizontal one?”

     “I can’t even stand to look at you. Just look at your face,” she sneered.

     “I told you! I tried burning it off, but it just keeps healing back!”

     “Still, you’re completely hideous.”

     Wade stood up, getting right in Shiklah’s face but she didn’t flinch. This conversation was headed downhill fast and anger seared in his blood.

     “Well, while you were out, I slept with Spider-Man.”  

     “You did, _what_?”

     “I said I slept with Spider-Man.”

     “I heard you the first time, I just can’t believe what you’re saying,” Shiklah snapped. Her yellow cat-eyes were glowing as she glared at Wade.

     “He was on my free-pass list. _You_ approved of it.”

     “Because I didn’t think he’d ever actually agree! I cannot believe this.”

     “Don’t act so high and fucking mighty,” Wade yelled. “Not after you slept with half of Hell! At least I didn’t sneak around and fucking lie about it!”

     “I had to find others, my _husband_ might as well be a stranger. We both know you're not the person I married. Being ‘good’ and ‘doing the right thing’? Please. Who the hell gave you the idea that you could be a good person?”

     “He did!” Wade shouted, shutting her up. “Spider-Man believed in me.”

     Shiklah scoffed. “Well then, how about you go find your little boyfriend and be a goody-two-shoes with him? I’m headed off anyways.”

     “Where?!”

     “To Romania.”

     “Tell me you’re not going to see _him_.”

     Shiklah tossed her long, black hair off her shoulder and clear as day, right on the slope of her neck, were two fang marks.

_Dracula!_

     How dare Dracula steal Shiklah away?! Oh wait, that’s right. _Technically_ , Wade did steal her first. But still!

     “Look, Wade,” she said, turning to start walking back out the library. “We had a lot of fun. But I need a _real_ monster in my life and we both know that Count’s the King of Monsters.”

     The massive wooden doors shut behind her and Wade blinked at them, seeing nothing but those two fangs marks seared in his mind’s eye. He grabbed his mask off the armrest of his chair and slipped it on. He was out of here.

 

     ~*~

 

     Wade scuffed his boots along the sidewalk. It was already dark out, the streets of the city lit with neon store signs and taxi-cab headlights. He made his way to his old apartment, thinking of Spidey even though he was trying not to. How was he going to sleep in that same bed ever again without mentally torturing himself by replaying the memory of Spidey’s body against his, over and over again on a loop?

     Maybe he should go and check their usual meet-up spots again. He didn’t know what he’d say once he found him though. _Never mind_ the idea that Spidey might be avoiding him. He hadn’t sounded very happy when he left. Maybe it had been a terrible idea and Wade had traded one night of sex--amazingly hot and ridiculously satisfying sex to be honest--for his whole friendship with Spidey. Wade’s heart sunk and he prayed that wasn’t the case.

     A schoolgirl, dressed in a grey school uniform, stepped out from the alcove of a building onto the sidewalk in front of Wade and he came to a stop.

     “Mr. Deadpool?” she asked.

     “Mr. Deadpool was my father. What do you want?”

     “I am from St. Damia’s School for Young Women. I want to say congratulations! You’ve been selected to participate in the world’s first annual chimichanga eating competition!”

     “Holy moly! That sounds great! Are any other celebrities going to be there?”

     “Um… a couple. But you’ll have to wait until you wake up to see for yourself.”

     “Wake up?” he asked. Suddenly, something blunt and metal struck the back of his head hard enough that he was out like a light before his body even hit the pavement.

     A second schoolgirl tip-toed over him and stood next to the first girl. A titanium baseball bat hung from her hand.

     “Alright,” she said. “Let’s drag him back before Jacqueline gets pissed.”

     “Yeah, she’s got a temper problem.”

 

     ~*~

 

     “Wait, Wendy… why did you bring candleholders?”

     “For the candles, Jacqueline?”

     Wade blinked and tried to make the world stop spinning as it faded back in. He heard voices, but he couldn’t quite tell who it was or where they were.

     “The candles go on the floor!” Jacqueline shouted.

     “Ooooh.”

     “Did you not see the Instagram video I posted?”

     “We should have set up the candles before we started!” a new girl pipped up. Wade finally shook his head clear and he realized that not only was he upside-down, suspended in the air, but also bound tight in a length of cinching metal chains. What was up with bad guys always dangling people upside-down?

     “Shut up, Aimee,” Jacqueline snapped. “Everyone knows you eat your own hair. And besides, we’ve already started. Isn’t that right, Deadpool?”

     In front of Wade’s face stepped a teenage girl. She was dressed in the same grey uniform that girl on the street had been wearing and she stared at him from under the fringe of her bangs. There had to be at least a dozen other girls standing around in identical outfits.

     “I need to pee,” Wade said.

     “Hold it.”

     “How can I hold it if you don’t _unchain_ me?” he tried.

     “We may be young, but we weren’t born yesterday,” Jacqueline sneered. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and in one hand she held a large, polished kitchen knife. One of the other girls stepped up and put her hands on her hips.

     “Are you’re sure we need him?” she asked.

     “Yes, Wendy! If we try to summon the Succubus Queen Shiklah without the presence of her heartmate, she’ll probably tear us all apart! Starting with you!”

     “Wait,” Wade interrupted. “What do you want with my sexy, jerk, demon spouse, Shiklah?” Jacqueline spun around and glared at him.

     “Our beloved leader, Headmistress Soo, died last week after tragically choking on a hockey puck. She was a powerful witch, and so requires a powerful vessel when we bring her spirit back.” She pointed to the ground and Wade had to look up to see what she was pointing at. He was dangling directly in the center of a large black pentagram painted on the ground. He looked around and he saw they were in what appeared to be a school gymnasium. Those little school brats had kidnapped him! Besides being terribly rude, it was also for apparently a stupid reason.

     “Shiklah might be powerful but I’m not so sure if you really want to summon her right now,” he said. “She’s in _quite_ the mood already and I don’t think trying to use her body as a vessel for your headmistress will make that any better.”

     “She won’t have any choice once we summon her!” Jacqueline screamed, waving the knife in his face. Wade sighed.

     “You’re making this very difficult for me… I don’t really want to have to kill a bunch of girls…”

     “We’re not a bunch of girls! We’re a coven of witches!”

     “Oh, in that case… one sec,” Wade said. He wiggled once, twice, and then a sudden sickening ‘ _pop_ ’ echoed through the room, making the girls wince at the sound. Wade managed to dislocate his shoulder and sneak an arm out through the chains.

     “Excuse me,” he asked, reaching out, “but can I borrow your knife? I promise to return it.”

     Jacqueline screamed and tumbled backwards. Her arms swung down, and the knife stabbed clean through Wade’s hand by accident.

     “Maybe I should have been more specific,” he said. Rivulets of blood dribbled off the end of the blade and splashed down on the floor in the middle of the pentagram.

     “His blood is drawn!” Jacqueline shouted from the floor. “Quick! Cast the spell!”

     The girls scrambled into position around the outside of the circle and took hands. Before Wade had a chance to wiggle out, they started chanting.

     “ _O, Mother Earth and Sister Sky, hear your daughter’s plaintive cry. We gift you with this human wine, now send it’s heartmate to our sign!_ ”

     The second they ended, a huge violet-colored cloud of smoke exploded in the center of the circle. A few of the girls screamed and Wade tried to see through the thick of it, but the smoke was dense and heavy in the air as it floated. Wisp by wisp, plumes of smoke pulled away, leaving shimmering trails in the air behind it. Most of the girls coughed through the acrid taste as the room cleared.

     Standing in the dead center of the ring was Spider-Man.

     He looked around, the lens of his mask squinting and adjusting through the trails of smoke and he whipped his head around until he finally saw he was surrounded by a group of schoolgirls.

     “Okay, what gives?” he asked.

     “Spidey!” Wade shouted. “Thank god you’re here. They kidnapped me and tied me up and stabbed me and promised me chimichangas! Oh… and they’re a coven of witches.”

     “Why didn’t you say that at the beginning?” Peter sighed. He spun around and looked at the gaggle of girls staring at him. “Alright ladies, we’re gonna have to wrap this up.”

     “I… I don’t understand…” Jacqueline said, shaking her head. “The spell was supposed to summon his heartmate.”

     “His what-now?” Peter asked.

     “Quick, tie them both up and we’ll try it again!” Wendy shouted.

     “Yeah! Hold them down!”

     “Oh, I don’t think so,” Peter said. He side-stepped Wendy who tried to tackle him and when she tumbled past him, he stuck her to the ground in a burst of webbing. These young witches hadn’t been expecting Spider-Man and he picked them off and webbed them up without even taking a single blow. A few girls tried to run but Peter webbed them up in a neat line against the gym wall right before they reached the door.

     “I told you this was a bad idea, Jacqueline,” Wendy said, trying to squirm out of the webbing to no avail.

     “Oh, shut up Wendy!”

     “God, you girls are annoying,” Wade groaned. He gave one more good wiggle and slipped out of the chain into a heap on the ground. He winced, getting to his feet and tugging the knife free from his hand. “And I bet there never even were any chimichangas either.”

     “Sorry, buddy,” Peter said. “But I don’t think so.”

     “What are we going to do with them now?”

     “Let’s call Stephen Strange. He’ll know what to do with a bunch of witches.”

     “Good thinking, Spidey.” Wade looked back at the mess and the painted circle on the ground. His heart skipped a beat in his chest. Heartmate. That’s what those girls had said. The clank of a metal door opening made Wade snap his head around and he just saw Spidey heading out, making him sprint to catch up.

     Wade pushed through into a dim back hall. One fluorescent light was on overhead and the glowing red exit sign over the back, metal doors cast a warm hue throughout the small space.

     “Wait,” he said, grabbing a hold of Spidey’s shoulders, spinning him and stopping him from leaving. He reached up and pulled off his own mask, and Peter saw that serious look that was so very unlike Wade. “I need to talk to you.”

     “Alright…”

     Wade took a breath. “I don’t know how you feel about what happened the other night and I know I’ve got no right to ask but… please. Just kiss me one more time.”

     “Wade…”

     “You don’t understand. I haven’t been able to sleep, to eat! And that’s coming from me, you know how much I normally eat in one day! I just can’t stop thinking about you, Spidey. About the other night. About the way you felt in my arms.”

     “What about Shiklah?” Peter croaked out. Wade sighed.

     “She left me for Dracula. She can’t stand me, the person I’ve become... but everything I’ve changed, I did for you. It was always for you, Spidey. I just wanted you to be proud of me. To think of me as a good person. And if you leave me now too, I’ll never be able to forgive myself for throwing away the best friend I’ve ever had for a night of sex.”

     Peter shook his head and pulled back. Wade reluctantly let him go but Peter spoke through an aching heart.

     “Dammit, Wade. You don’t know how badly I want this, but I can’t keep lying to you. About who _I_ am. I’m… I’m afraid once you know, you’ll hate me.”

     “I could never hate you, Spidey.”

     “You say that now,” Peter said. “Remember Peter Parker?”

     “Yeah, your stupidly handsome boss who orders you around all the time like a complete asshole? How could I forget? But what does he have to do with me hating _you_?”

     Peter sighed. He reached up and for the first time, took his mask off in front of Wade.

     “Because I _am_ Peter Parker.”

    The moment hung in the air between them. It was thick and heavy, like a bomb dropped between them and Peter couldn’t make heads or tails of the way Wade was looking at him. It was like the gears were grinding in Wade’s head as he processed this new information. Eventually, he shook his head and spoke.

     “I can’t believe you’ve been using the old ‘Being-My-Own-Bodyguard’ disguise. That trope was already hard to swallow when Tony Stark did it in the sixties,” he joked, although Peter didn’t really know what he was talking about.

     “Well it worked, didn’t it?”

     Wade didn’t answer. He stared at Peter and it made his whole body crawl with anticipation, making him feel sick.

     “Did you really think I would hate you?” he finally asked.

     “Well… yeah. I mean, you _just_ called me a stupid asshole.”

     “I called you an asshole because I didn’t know that it was really you just covering your ass as Spider-Man this whole time,” he said, throwing his hands up. “And besides… I called you stupidly handsome. There’s a difference.”

     Wade wasn’t lying, Peter was stunning, especially when he glanced away with a shy look, a little smirk playing on his face as he blushed from the compliment. Was that how he always looked under the mask when Wade flirted with him? It was wonderful to finally get to see it.

     “I guess that’s a good thing then,” Peter said, glancing back up at Wade through his eyelashes.

     “So… I believe I was in the middle of begging you for another kiss,” Wade said.

     The corner of Peter’s lips turned up. “And I believe I was just about to give you one.”

     Wade smiled and closed the small distance between them. He cupped Peter’s face between his hands and Peter closed the rest of the space until their lips met. Wade poured his heart into the kiss, hoping that the other man could feel every last inch of his passion and desire. Peter clung to his shoulders, leaning up on his toes to reach Wade and keep them pressed together.

     “Come back to my apartment with me. Stay the night,” Wade whispered against Peter’s lips. He blinked at Wade, the sweet chocolate brown of his eyes warm and sparkling as he smiled up at him.

     “Okay. I’ll call Strange along the way. Let’s go.”

 

     ~*~

 

     The two of them stood at the foot of Wade’s bed. Their masks were strewn on the floor and as they kissed, they both tried to peel the suits off each other. After each piece of latex or spandex hit the floor, they reconnected, latching their lips back together and kissing with a ravenous hunger.

     Wade’s hands were strong and demanding, tugging clothing off and squeezing Peter as close as possible when he wasn’t doing the former. As each inch of Peter was revealed, he could _feel_ Wade’s eyes rake over his body. He looked at Peter like a predator staring down his prey and Peter was deliriously willing to let himself be devoured.

     “Get on the bed for me, baby boy. I’ve got plans for you,” Wade said. There was no way for Peter to not shiver at the lustful, burning look Wade gave him.

     “Okay, yeah.”

     He stepped back and sat down on the bed, scooting backwards into the center of the sheets. Wade crawled above him and he scooped a hand under Peter to flip him onto his stomach. It was fast and sudden, making Peter gasp at the powerful manhandling, but inside he purred.

     Wade was truly unlike any other lover he ever had. All masculine, alpha dominance packed into a hungry, attentive lover. Such a stark comparison that spoke volumes of that curiously devoted person Wade was deep down.

     “Relax for me, sweetheart,” he purred as he draped himself over Peter’s back to speak near his ear. “I’m gonna get you ready for me.”

     “Yes, Wade. Please.”

     Ever since the other night, Peter knew he wanted Wade. Wanted him _bad_. Before, it had been easy to tell himself that his attraction to Wade was just a passing fancy, but now? Now it was impossible to ignore the burning tempest of desire that boiled between the two of them. It was infectious. It radiated off Wade and bounced back against Peter, growing double-fold, and it was addicting.

     Wade placed an open mouth kiss on Peter’s neck right under the line of his soft, brunet hair. He pulled back enough to kiss again and again down Peter’s neck and the little knobs of spine. Peter’s back was sculpted in beautiful, hard muscles and Wade traveled his way down further.

     Peter expected it when Wade’s hands landed on his ass, squeezing and massaging. After all, Wade couldn’t even go a single day without making some lewd comment about Peter’s ass. He _hadn’t_ been expecting it though, when Wade leaned in and licked his tongue across Peter’s tiny, pink hole.

     “ _Oh fuck_ ,” he gasped.

     Wade’s fingers just squeezed even tighter into the flesh of his ass and pulled his hips back just enough so Wade could latch his mouth to Peter’s most private, tender spot.

     Wade’s tongue was devilishly smooth and diligent as he worked it across the tight ring of muscles. Peter had _never_ felt anything like this. He didn’t realize how incredibly sensitive he was there and between Wade’s hot breath, prickly stubble on his face, and talented tongue, Peter instantly enjoyed the sensation and moaned low and deep into Wade’s pillow.

     “Uh-uh, I wanna hear you, Peter. Don’t hide those sexy sounds from me,” Wade said.

     Peter turned his head, panting as he rested the side of his face against the pillow. Wade looked up and the blissed-out look on Spidey’s face was enough fap-material all on its own.

     “God,” Wade whispered. “If I had you in my bed every night, I’d never get anything done.”

     Peter laughed. “I’ll admit, I’m tempted to never leave. Especially now that I know what good that mouth is really for.”

     Wade pressed a fingertip to Peter’s hole and watched as he nudged forward, and Peter’s body sucked him inside willingly. That tight rim of muscles eased open around Wade’s finger and it was better than any wet dream Wade had ever had actually getting to watch it.

     He hooked his finger down and rubbed along the hot, smooth wall. Peter immediately gasped and Wade watched the way his toes curled at the amazing feeling. He stroked his finger in lazy movements over Peter’s prostate and kept his eyes glued to his face as he did it.

     “Dammit, Wade,” Peter panted. He bit his bottom lip for a moment before his tongue darted out to lick his swollen lips. His eyes were scrunched tight and his eyelashes were fanned out over his rosy cheeks. “That feels way too good.”

     “Well, I hope you don't mind, but I think I’ll just spend the rest of the night here, thanks,” he said. It earned him a playful slap from Peter, who managed to reach back and hit Wade’s bicep.

     “You better not. You’re actually killing me. It’s gotta be taking years off my life.”

     “No way,” Wade defended. He slipped his fingers back from his hole and kept Peter’s cheeks pulled apart with his thumbs. He placed a sweet kiss on the underside of his balls, his perineum, and then on his fluttering hole. “Sensual massages are the best way to eliminate stress and stress is the number one killer.”

     “Sensual massage?” Peter laughed. He folded his arms under the pillow, getting comfortable. “Is that what you’re calling this?”

     “It’s one way--a very truthful way, mind you-- but if we’re being completely honest, it’s an excuse for me to fucking cherish this ass that’s haunted my dreams.”

     Wade nudged two fingers together and pressed them against the furl of Peter’s hole. He loved the way Peter half-laughed, half-moaned as he pushed inside of him. Wade licked at the muscles stretched around his fingers to make it even smoother for Peter.

     “Please, Wade. Fuck me already,” he begged.

     Wade groaned, stabbing his tongue inside Peter a couple more times before he came back up. He pulled his fingers away and his cock throbbed at the sight of Peter’s hole twitching shut at the emptiness.

     He grabbed a condom and slipped it on as fast as he could. He rushed to lay down over Peter again, propping himself on his forearms and attaching his mouth to the side of Peter’s neck just to hear the sweet sound of his moan. The line of his cock rutted along the crease of Peter's ass and the lubed latex was slick and hot.

     “You think you're ready for me, baby boy?”

     “I've been ready. Come on, Red.”

     Peter's bronze hair was messy and tossed, like he had run his hand through it as Wade had eaten him out. A hot blush tinted his ears, cheeks and neck a beautiful pink.

     His cock pressed to Peter's hole and he pushed forward with careful pressure until he slipped inside, just the head of his cock nestled in.

     “Unngh, please please please,” Peter whimpered. “Come on, Wade. Don't make me wait any longer.”

     Wade groaned and nudged further, enjoying the way Peter's body fluttered around the new intrusion. Every millimeter was the perfect squeeze of hot channel, but it was the scent of Peter's soap-sweet skin, his hitching breath, and the way his whole body went lax under Wade’s that stoked the fire in Wade's gut.

     “God, I missed this so much, Peter,” Wade sighed as he pressed the whole way in.

     Peter melted at the sound of his name coming from Wade’s raspy, lustful voice. It was so much better than he would have guessed, and it made his blood sear in his veins.

     “Say that again. Say my name again.”

     “Fuck, Peter,” he moaned. He pressed his face right against the side of Peter’s. “I’ll do whatever you fucking want. Jesus, you’re gorgeous. You know that, Peter?”

     Wade’s hips were driving in with hard little snaps now, blowing Peter’s concentration clean out the water.

     “You’re absolutely stunning,” Wade continued. Even during sex, he apparently couldn’t stop himself from talking. “Just perfect. I can’t believe I’ve got you in my bed again, all to myself.”

     Wade propped himself up on one hand and pressed down on the dip of Peter's lower back, making him arch just-so into the perfect angle for Wade's cock to hit Peter's prostate with every thrust in.

     It was too much, too perfect, as Wade completely fucked him open and hit every pleasurable spot inside him. Wade picked up his pace and Peter sucked a breath in with a hiss through his teeth.

     “Oh fuck, I’m coming,” he moaned as his orgasm crashed over him and dragged him under the waves. It happened with wonderful force and ricocheted through his limbs and stole his breath away. Wade’s hips kept moving but the thrusts were erratic and losing strength as Peter’s clenching muscles squeezed Wade’s cock just right and pushed him over the edge as well.

     Wade slowed his hips back down until he was pushing with lazy moments in and out of Peter until the feeling was too much and he had to stop. A spark of fire licked up Peter's spine and if given a few minutes, he thought he'd be ready to go again.

     “Dammit, that was too good. Let's go again as soon as possible,” Wade said, reading Peter's mind. He pulled out and tossed the wrecked condom off in the direction of the trashcan. Peter groaned, missing the stretch of Wade inside him now that he had gotten used to it but he let Wade tug him out of the wet spot to lay down together. Peter cuddled up against his side and he loved the hot press of Wade's skin against his.

     “So...” Peter whispered. He toyed with the line of Wade’s collarbone as he rested his head on his chest. “Heartmates, huh?”

     Wade huffed out a shy chuckle, jostling Peter with a little bounce.

     “Yeah, that’s what the crazy gang of witches said. Is… that a problem?”

     Peter picked his head up and looked at Wade, whose eyebrows were knitted together in worry, but Peter merely smiled at him.

     “Naw. I like the sound of it a little better than teammates anyways.”

     Wade smiled back, his eyes crinkling around the edges.

     “Me too.”

     THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who waited patiently for the second part! ♡♡♡


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